Today, I marked the dot of being two years working as enslavians. I still remembered last year, I was on the way back from a meeting in Sandakan with my boss in a taxi, when I mentioned to her of being 1 year working in her company. A week after, I got RM300 increment. Funny, when i think of it now. But, I guessed I got what I longed for - finally, a job with a good pay.
2 years ago, on 28 September 2009, I reported to duty here. Unlike my first job, my confidence was at a level I believed would be good enough for me to make a first impression. Only the anxiety of not being able to make a proper acquaintance with the new colleagues worries me. After being unemployed for 8 months, getting the job was the best thing I could ever think of. Failures from previous jobs really challenged my determination whether staying in the consultancy line should be my options. However, I was not yet mentally prepared for any other. The journey to KL chasing my dream job doesn't seem to be the path for me. Even the whole thing seems too good to be true. But, that's another story.
The interview with the MD of the company 2 months prior, seems unsuccessful at first. But, I guess she had no other option. I began to slowly understand, that's how it was for the others.
I was employed as Environmental Engineer with a starting salary of RM2k. I thought I'll be coordinating engineering projects, but knowing my strength is in reporting EIAs, I was given EIA projects. My first project was rather easy for me, solution to related project issues were solved immediately. The client felt my professionalism and even offered to buy me lunch anytime I drop by KL. But somehow, after two years, that was the one and only EIA report I can call my own.
A second project my boss handed over was one of a politically controversial projects. As its sounds big to the company, MD asked me to coordinate. Official coordination started in Jan 2010, had a co-executive assisting but still had my hand full. Meetings every week, progress reports due every fortnightly. But, the project was halted in May 2010 due to 'expected issues'.
During those times, I was also asked to help in reviewing draft reports done by other executives. I did not hesitate commenting, cause I think I can share my experience. Some find me arrogant, but I tried to stay humble. However, my boss find my technical review skills can be made to a good use. I was reviewing all related EIA documents with pleasure. I started to feel being appreciated with no stress. Real cozy environment where I can get a good night sleep at night and not think of work in the weekends. Some more, having most of the colleagues as young and friendly, I felt secured. Even my previous company, called to offer my old job with the same pay offered here, I declined.
The company was engaged as a consultant to one mega project funded by the federal government. I was interested to get involved at first, but knowing the project experts were only paid to come to the meetings and report writing were being done by company's fresh graduates, i felt it was already a total loss in the beginning. One of the first 'river' tasks my boss asked me to do, was to comment on a questionnaire prepared by one of the company's ex-staff. Caused some trouble, but I did what I had to do. The truth hurts, but almost everything was wrong and rather embarrassing to call it a work of a professional.
In the first place, I was in and out of the mega project. Then, my boss asked to coordinate the water quality modelling for the project and I thought it was a good chance to grab. I stepped on the job and loved every minute of it. My boss may still envy me for taking in the whole experience. After the Q2K, I was asked to joined meetings and follow her around. I did what I can. Being a multi-tasker with trained skills of a professional, it was not that hard. Without realizing it, I focused my attention being the sixth assistant coordinator for the project. Looking at how the trend of coordinators who walked away or even asked to, I was petrified. Only hoping I can bear the whole thing.
October 2010, I found out I was pregnant. My boss was happy for me. Being an employee that she called, someone-she-can-connect-to, pressure and works were reduced. Nevertheless, I did not realized it at first, but my performance was decreasing by time. I started to forget ways around a shopping complex, when my husband used to call me a 'walking-gps'. I started to disregard matters that were important. Pregnancy has literally made me vomit out all my capabilities. Still, like one of the quotable elder's advice "
bukan salah ibu mengandung".
Chinese New Year 2010 - I got 4 months bonus along with salary increment of RM200. Alhamdulillah, I thought it was my baby's fortune. The MD highlighted her personal appreciation to my efforts and contribution. Personal discussion on my future was also put on the table. I was grateful, it was the sign I waited. I knew I stayed here for good. With the expansion of the office space, I had a room to myself.
Despite the good news, our GM was the first to resign this year. We figured, she had issues with the boss. I was let in on her stories when she came by crying in my room. I pity her, being a best friend and yet betrayed.
The project was on the verge of collapse when the government officials started to query on the quality of the report and actual project outcomes costing RM4millions were nowhere to be seen. She thought she can make it on her own. Advice to take in experts, even its too late, was ignored. My boss knew the company's in trouble unless she do something. Experts were then 'forced' to join in with strict T&C.
An assistant executive was not able to put up to the boss's demand and resigned as well. Most of us kept going. I started to feel the pressure being too strong at one point when one day, I break down in front of the boss. I was given 1 1/2 days rest. After the project milestone was achieved, my boss generously gave me another few days break - unrecorded. Coming back to work with a new spirit, I felt a bit strange when my phone didn't rang for a few days. As it still, until today. I felt ignored, messages was passed on through someone else's emails or calls. I was not invited to join internal meetings. I tried to figure out what I did but, never got it. Noticing someone else assisting the boss, I laid back to wonder. The executive probably felt the pressure, she tendered her resignation after a week.
I figured, my boss would bring up the Q2K issues at the last minute. I tried to help. Yet, she refused to talk. My long emails to her was probably ignored, her ego was too great. Knowing my due date was approaching, I tried my best and had possibly rectified the problems. I managed to finalize everything by 5 pm on 16th June 2011. I submitted myself to the hospital that night, and gave birth 9 am on the 17th.
My 60 days maternity leave was a great rest for me. However, it seems to be terrifying to most of my colleagues when I found out 4 of them were resigning that month. Everyone that was ever 'env-olve'. I backed-off my plan to make up with my boss, cause I thought it would only make her feel more embarrassed. There was probably not even a chance.
Hoping for a brighter day waking up, I had only one plan in mind - to begin searching.
